Whenever you see somebody with long natural hair, ask them if they had long hair before they went natural. If they did, make statements such as “Oh well see my hair has never been long and since yours has, you were already predisposed to growth” “See that’s what i mean, your hair was already long”
Whenever possible, subject everyone’s hair to segregation. Whether you use it to define a term (natural hair) or use it to show one hair type is better than the other. “See i can’t go natural, you got that good hair, i don’t have that.” ” But girl my baby got that grease and water hair! You know all she need is grease and water but see my niece, talk about BARB wire hair”
Always point of the fact that your great great great great great great grandmother was french, indian, white and italian “Yea cuz see we mixed in my family on my daddy’s grandaddy’s uncle’s sister’s mama’s side of the family so we always had that good hair.”
Be sure to always discriminate against those who say they are natural but aren’t actually natural because they flat iron their hair, use heat, color their hair, or manipulate it. ” If you wear your hair straight you are not natural.” ” Girl what you blew it out? O__o .. stop lying you are not natural” ” See you colored it, so that’s a chemical process so see you aint even natural no more”
Any little hint of self confidence you see someone developing while wearing their hair natural, be sure to fully deficate on it “Ole Angela Davis lookin heffa. Girl you look some stupid you need to go head and perm that.” ~walks past a group of women~ “I aam not my hair, i am not this skin, i am not your expectations no no. Girl you aint India Arie and you don’t have that type of hair . You need to go head and perm that nappy ish”
And last but not least, be sure to target the young and developing youth. The perfect way to kill any movement is to kill it’s future. ~rips through kids dry hair with a comb~ “SIT DOWN SO I CAN COMB THESE NAPS! LAWD I NEED TO PERM YO HAIR!” ” I think ima put a weave in my baby hair (5 years old) girl i just can’t do it! It’s too thick and its too much, i need her w/ that silk remi #3a w/ the highlights.
Follow these simple steps and pretty soon you will have a bunch of segregated , self hating , ignorant women and your mission will be accomplished.
Remember that sesame street video? Click on the image to hear the song..
When I walked into work this morning, one of the students I worked with showed me an interesting article titled “Can I touch it? The Fascination with Natural, African-American Hair that touched on an experience that can be all too common for some African-Americans who choose to wear their hair natural.
In the article, an experience had by writer Tamara Winfrey Harris was recalled in which she narrowly escaped a random petting by a curious, middle-aged, white woman. “She missed by mere seconds, she was actually going to grab my hair as I walked past her,” Winfrey Harris recalled.
“It’s a common tale shared by women of color whose natural hair can attract stares, curiosity, comments and the occasional stranger who desires to reach out and touch. The reaction to such fondling can range from amusement to outrage over the invasion of personal space.”
One colleague of mine who, in sharing her frustrations after having had this experience several times would just say “No! This is not a petting zoo!”
After reading the article together, this student, who identified as being a person who was Indian then asked me if people, or even more specifically people who were white have ever tried to touch my hair before…
It didn’t take me very long to say yes. Sometimes, at least in my experience the touching, or attempted touching has been accompanied by questioning.
As one African-American male who locks his hair, these are some examples of questions or comments I have received from people who are white about my appearance.
“How long does it take to do it? I wish I had all that free time on my hands.”
“Hey, you wear your hair just like the black football players”
“Are you from Jamaica?”
“Bob Marley!! You know, I just think that Bob Marley was such a Revolutionary. I love his music.”
“It must be hard to get a job like that. Employers like that clean-cut look. ”
Lets face it, whether their hair is straightened or not, African-Americans and other people of color face challenges in carving out standards of beauty for themselves in society. For those who decide to wear their hair natural, additional challenges can show up in their everyday lives.
This video produced in 2008 by Kiri Davis entitled “A Girl Like Me” hits on some of the struggles young African-American women can face in defining themselves and their realities against societal standards.
“Color is more than skin deep for young African-American women struggling to define themselves”
In terms of beauty and appearance, I still encounter the conscious and unconscious assertion that lighter is better, whiter is better and the closer one is to that ideal, the greater the value they will have in society.
I am also aware of the perceived importance of having straight hair. From experiencing being teased as a child by other African-American children for being of a darker complexion, to watching children that I grew up with lament over how “nappy” their hair was, to being told that I would not be able to get a job because of my decision to lock my own hair, I see the idea of this perceived inferiority to whiteness as being still prevalent.
As you may have seen in the video, and as I see in my daily life, unfortunately, some people of color can internalize the negative messages they receive about themselves and act out that internalization out in a variety of ways.
I’ve always liked having a lot of hair on my head. I can remember being in high school (when my locks were but a small afro) and being approached by one of the sports coaches, who was African-American.
“Its alot of girls out here. You should cut that off boy, you aint’ gonna get any of these young girls around here with your head like that, and good luck getting a job.”
Just as I came to understand that my manhood was not and is not defined by the amount of “currency” I have, (in the form of women) and the amount of women I “conquer”on the unwritten, yet strongly defined road of sexual conquest that some men are socialized to see as a mandatory prerequisite to defining their own value, I also came to understand that I had been taught a great deal of misinformation about my racial identity as well.
For me, having the opportunity to be exposed to what I saw as positive real live examples of people and situations which challenged that misinformation is what led me to challenge things myself.
However, the reality is,
Some might see the coach’s words, particularly the part about me not being able to get a job as being a protective factor because for many, society does hold a view of a “certain kind” of look that defines what is “right” and “professional” and, in this writer’s opinion, many people of color can find themselves outside of that defined standard.
As a result fears both real and perceived about being discriminated against based on outward presentation can lead some to think, say, or do things which (although sometimes harmful to ourselves or others) are meant to minimize the instances and impact of that discrimination.
Where aspirations to become a better humanitarian can factor in
Our communities are still very segregated, and we can sometimes be either unwilling or unable to interact with those that are different from ourselves. The level to which we can avoid or ignore one another without experiencing any consequences greatly depends on our level of privilege.
“Men often hate each other because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don’t know each other; they don’t know each other because they cannot communicate; they cannot communicate because they are separated” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)
In engaging in conversations with people who were white who have had questions about my hair, aside from reminding myself of certain realities that can usually give me a strong foundation from which to begin, I also try to assume that people are trying as best they can.
However, as I’ve discussed with friends, family members, and colleagues alike, consistently being in situations where one is either among a few, or the only person of color being looked upon to take advantage of “teachable moments” can be physically and emotionally draining at times, because it can put an undue burden on the targeted person to be seen as a representative of their group.
Parts of our identities can place us in a position of privilege, while others can leave us vulnerable to discrimination. I believe that in areas in which we are privileged, there are ways we can seek out information about oppressed groups to increase our own understanding without putting a burden on the individual to speak for their own group. This is where Allyhood can play a pivotal role.
One example of working against the misinformation around the idea that blackness and natural hair automatically spells doom and gloom in the work world can be found in the “Naturally Professional Series” on curlynikki.com. This series was
“created to make a positive statement. Our intent is to disprove false and long held beliefs that wearing ones hair in a natural style — including locs, sisterlocs, and loose natural hair — makes a person somehow not professional enough for a corporate environment. Natural hair IS professional, beautiful, well taken care of, and welcome in any kind of workplace.”
People of color choose to wear their hair natural (or not) for a variety of reasons. One task that I feel must continue to be taken on is to help young people of color, permed hair or otherwise to develop and maintain a positive sense of self into adulthood, and to show them counterexamples to some of the popular but negative messages they receive.
It’s a shame that i have to even write this post. It honestly doesn’t make any sense that you would even have to do this but it’s the world we live in and we have been conditioned to it regardless of what we may think.
1.With Yourself – Yes you’re transitioning and that’s great! But the real question is, are you ready mentally? Yes you put down the creamy crack and are making a conscious decision and effort to go back to what you were born with but what’s your mindset? Are you expecting to transition and see you hair idol’s hair texture or are you ready to accept any texture you may have? Are you ready to throw out all of your old knowledge of hair care and be humble enough to accept a new way of doing things despite what you may think? Are you ready to change your perception of your own hair? These are some things you should think about before you step foot on this journey because believe me i have seen many people fall victim to the creamy crack.
2. With your Loved Ones – Ugh! This is the worst. When i transitioned, everybody thought i had lost my mind. I was like, “No i’m just tired of perms -_____- ” .. Well 2 years later and i don’t regret anything i have done, they have all stopped complaining about it and i have one the battle ….POW! But be prepared because this may or may not be where most the pressure comes from to relax and if that’s the case STICK TO YOUR GUNS! Talk about hair SOOO MUCH that they will get sick of hearing it and not ask you anything at all anymore. LOL . Yes it tends to work but if you don’t want to perm it then DONT despite what anyone may have to say.. its YOUR HAIR! If it’s an S.O , educate him. Let him watch hair videos with you, show him what your hair could potentially look like. It may be a struggle depending on the man, but he will come around eventually. If you’re a teen and you’re looking for your parents approval, use the same approach.
3.Last but not least, With Your Stylist – Some stylist just cannot take the fact that you are going natural especially if they don’t know how to deal with your hair. I have heard and read countless stories of women actually getting into fights with their hair stylists because they didn’t want them to transition. Anything outside of a perm, they don’t know how to do so they view it as a lost of business.. and yes… they want to fight you because of it.
I don’t even know what to call this. But it happened – FOR REAL.
Background:
I’m married – 5+ years – to a wonderful husband and father. I’m pregnant – 5 months now – with my second child and I’m an emotional rollercoaster. I’ve been natural – almost 1 year – and, although it took some time for me to feel this way, I LOVE my curls.
The Drama:
My husband works from home and has watched our 2-yr old daughter from birth (SN: She has curls too and he washes and styles her hair very well during the week). About a month ago, he sent me a text at work saying we needed to talk when I got home. So, I come from work on my lunch break like I normally do. We decided to leave the house to run some errands. In the car, I asked him what he wanted to talk about. Then he said the six words that literally threw me into an immediate emotional breakdown: “WE NEED TO SPLIT UP.” Huh? What? Where is this coming from? Instant flood of tears and hyperventilating.
He never wanted me to go natural. He doesn’t like “nappy” hair. He likes straight hair. He felt that I had totally ignored his feelings by going natural in the first place, but the fact that I’ve stayed natural, despite his disdain, is even worse. It doesn’t matter that everyone else around us likes my hair. He is my husband and his opinion should matter most. When he married me I had long, straight hair. He’s not attracted to me anymore because of my hair, and therefore he felt that the best solution was to split up, instead of being disgusted with the sight of me daily. But if I straighten my hair (it doesn’t have to be a relaxer), then everything will be ok and go back to normal. Blah, blah, blah. SN: Just the week before, his close friend’s wife chemically relaxed her hair after a year of being natural because she couldn’t stand the negative feedback from her husband.
Ok, ok, ok. He probably didn’t use those exact words. But I’m pregnant, so that’s what it sounded like. I emailed my boss from my phone and said I couldn’t come back to work for personal reasons. After running our errands, I dropped him and our daughter back off at the house and drove off to clear my mind. I won’t go into all the thoughts that led me to my next actions, but I will tell you what happened.
I LOVE THIS MAN. I CANNOT IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT THIS MAN. I WILL NOT LOSE MY HUSBAND OVER HAIR. But I felt this was a deeper issue than hair, and I also felt that some information was missing from his little rant. So I went back home. I grabbed a pen and paper and went straight to our bedroom. I got in the bed under the covers and started writing. Right after I jotted down my last thought, he came in to check on me. He gave me a big hug, and waited for me to speak. Here’s what I wrote/said, and his answers.
-I have more going for me than the hair on my head. YES YOU DO.
-I’m beautiful, intelligent, stylish, in shape, a good mother, I bring home bacon just like you, and I cook it too. YES I AGREE.
-I’m pregnant with your child, how dare you bring this to me right now. I FELT LIKE YOU WERE IGNORING HOW I FELT ABOUT YOUR HAIR.
-My hair is beautiful and *I* LOVE it, no matter what anyone else says. I KNOW.
-Our daughter’s hair is beautiful, are you going to request that she straighten her hair? NO, HER HAIR IS BEAUTIFUL.
-Is your friend’s wife a better woman than I am because she relaxed her hair for her husband to make HIM happy, even though she will be unhappy? YES, I FEEL THAT WAY. BUT SHE IS NOT MY WIFE AND I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER WOMAN.
-Are you willing to give up our love, sex, family, home, future plans… all because of my hair?! NO, NEVER.
My response was: Then I cannot, WILL NOT get a chemical relaxer. So what is your REAL problem?
His response was: Well, it’s just that all the “different” styles you have been doing have been “nappy” styles. Can you please do some straight styles, and do them more often?
Of course! Why didn’t you say that in the first place boy?!
Ever since then, we’ve been back in love like usual. He touches my “nappy” hair and tells me I’m beautiful. And I still haven’t done a straight style yet, although I do plan to keep my promise – to prevent another childish rant.
Conclusion:
Turns out, he just did a really horrible job of expressing his feelings. And I did a really horrible job of acknowledging his feelings. We will not lose our love, our marriage, our life together… OVER HAIR.
First of all let me start of by saying that the idea of a husband leaving his PREGNANT WIFE because she is natural is absolutely ridiculous! It has to be much deeper than hair. Now while a man may express his disappointment, concerns, and discontent for your hair, if he is in love with you, he is in love with YOU and not different parts of you.
Second, I must applaud this woman for the way she approached this situation seeing as though i would have immediately flown off the handle….. or maybe not because i have been in a similar situation before but he didn’t threaten to leave me. Arguments came about over my hair but it was never “I’m leaving you because you got that nappy s**t on your head. Eventually, once it started to grow, he came around and really started to like some of the styles that i was wearing.
It is one thing not to have a clear and concise understanding as to why your wife/gf/whatever she is to you would all of a sudden just cut off their hair, but its a wwwhooollle nother ball game when you decide to leave an ENTIRE family behind because you don’t like her hair.. that much ..
-________________-
Come on man. There are clearly some deeper issues that you don’t want to admit and you are using hair as a crutch.
She is still your wife, mother of your child, mother to your unborn child and you have the nerve to say that and actually TELL HER you no longer find her attractive!? ..#killyoself
I must say that i am very impressed that she stood up for herself because BELIEVE me he will get over it. It’s just certain things that men don’t understand . Probably never will understand fully but they can be supportive to you in your decisions and trust your judgement.
I know some of you say “Oh well that NI88*A woulda been missing teeth!” “Oh HELL NAW LEAVE THAT NINJA!” But it is her husband and they have a family together.
Hats off to her for standing her ground and finding an easier solution besides flying off the handle about it.
I still think this is way deeper than hair though…
I read your story about how you nursed your mother’s edges back to AMAZING health on the BGLH website, and I wanted to tell you that I am sooo inspired by this story and commitment. In addition, this brings me to my second point: I was wondering if you cared to share what EXACTLY you did to do this (i.e. what products, what you did on full treatment days, etc.). Unfortunately, I too suffer from traction alopecia and have very thinned and even balding spots, and am at a loss of what to do. I have visited dermatologists, but I would rather try a natural solution than use some of the treatments that they are offering (steroid shots, etc.). Lastly, I know this is a lot, but I would greatly appreciate it and am looking forward to checking out the rest of your blog!
God bless, Veronica
Hey and thanks for the email! If you check the original post, regrow edges in 5 months, I posted her regimen. It went something like this
“So the plan in short was JBCO (Jamaican black castor oil) every night and moisturize and seal the rest of her hair while it was in the tracks. Well when we took it down, we did a full day of hair treatments. Shampoo, protein treatment, deep condition, moisturize and seal and style.”
That’s basically it hun! The biggest part in all of this is to massage the scalp with it every night. It really makes a big difference!
About 15 women came out but i projected more. My plans seem to have been thawtred though..
Y do you ask?
3 words
New Orleans Saints…..
I am so used to the game starting at 12 p.m but the day of the meetup, they decide they want to play for 3 p.m …. oh goody -___-
And since my city goes entirely too hard for it’s team, the women decided that they would rather sit at home, kick back with a cool one in hand and watch the saints game… i aint mad atcha tho.
But you still should have been at my meetup because they were playing the game at TGIFRIDAYS!
Anyway, despite that, we had a BLAST!
Southwest Mississippi Naturals came ALL THE WAY FROM MISSISSIPPI (it’s not that far no, i just have to make it into something it’s not.lol ) to attend the meetup. They had a little trouble getting there but they made it!
Dwana Makeba was there as well, owner of Beauty On Da Bayou salon in New Orleans. ( Yall make sure yall checkout her shop and tell her Strawberricurls sent you 😉 )
We did giveaways,product swaps, talked about hair and everything else under the sun. And of course we watched the Saints game too!
The ladies from Southwest Mississippi Naturals even bought a gift.. ~tear~ I was touched.
The pictures were taken by Joshua Davis aka Fly Designs. He’s an amazing photographer and he designed my logo too so if you need professional pictures or anything, he’s your man.
Well ladies, if your in the New Orleans area, i hope to see you at the next 1! HHJ!
WOW so this post is waaayyyy over do. Nowadays i have been forcing myself not to force myself to blog when i don’t feel like it.. ~shrugs~. I give your better content and i get more rest in a day. Do you have any idea how mucyh crap i do during the week? But PLEASE dont let me bore you with the details of my life.
So far, im loving the progress. I just bought a new flat iron (Babyliss Pro) and the results are in. I love this flat iron. I love it so much that i actually took time out of my busy life to reflat iron my hair. Do you have any idea how much work that is for me?
I really need to buy a marker shirt because i am grazing bra strap length but these pics do me no justice soo it seems like im lying about that….im not tho
SEE WHAT I MEAN! These pics make it look like im not even armpit length… ~sigh~ I digress. Gotta buy a new camera, gotta by a new car, gotta by a mac, gotta buy every damn thing.. ~kicks over computer~ DAMN THIS EXPENSIVE LIFE! I’m pretty garbage for this because yall deserve better pics and better pics you shall have!
Black women seem to suffer from a common problem which are thinning edges. I am not saying that its exclusive to our race but we do wear weaves and braids more than any race of people i know in existence in this day and edge.
Take my mother for example. She told me that since she was a kid , her edges have been in horrible condition and to make matters worse, she wore weaves, tight weaves for a while. I spent my summer at her house and over the summer, i learned just how damaged her edges were.
She said she didn’t want to go natural and honestly, i wasn’t trying to convince her to do so. I told her all i cared about was her hair being healthy and i wasn’t trying to pressure her into transitioning. Well…. she asked me to put a perm and her head and i told her no especially after i saw her edges! I told her hair was not ready to handle a chemical service and it need some serious TLC. Again, let me reiterate that i was not trying to get her to transition, i simply wanted her to have healthy hair.
Fast forward…. I started thinking of ways that i knew to grow out thinning hair and from what i can tell just by looking at it, her edges were suffering from traction alopecia.
Traction alopecia is a form of alopecia, or gradual hair loss, caused primarily by pulling force being applied to the hair.[1]:761[2]:645 This commonly results from the sufferer frequently wearing his/her hair in a particularly tight ponytail, pigtails, or braids. It is also seen occasionally in long-haired toy dogs whose owners use barrettes to keep hair out of the dogs’ faces.
Traction alopecia is a substantial risk in hair weaves, which can be worn either to conceal hair loss, or purely for cosmetic purposes. The former involves creating a braid around the head below the existing hairline, to which an extended-wear hairpiece, or wig, is attached. Since the hair of the braid is still growing, it requires frequent maintenance, which involves the hairpiece being removed, the natural hair braided again, and the piece snugly reattached. The tight braiding and snug hairpiece cause tension on the hair that is already at risk for falling out. Traction Alopecia is one of the most common causes of hair loss in African American women. Although the aforementioned style is one of the culprits, hairstyles such as dreadlocks and single (extension) braids can also have the same effect.[3] Men and women who have suffered from Traction Alopecia have found that the hair loss occurs most at the hair line – primarily around the temples and the sides of their heads.[4] (SOURCE)
Now don’t get it twisted. Weaves are a great protective style when done RIGHT and not put in too tight. But if you do it wrong, it a can backfire on you and well the above happens.
Well this is what mama dukes hairline looked like when we started
So i felt like ….
Originally my plan was to take her out her weaves and treat it but umm she wasn’t having that. So i told her that she could have the weaves as long as i did them and as long as she still applied the Jamaican Black Castor Oil at EVERY night. She agreed.
So the plan in short was JBCO (Jamaican black castor oil) every night and moisturize and seal the rest of her hair while it was in the tracks. Well when we took it down, we did a full day of hair treatments. Shampoo, protein treatment, deep condition, moisturize and seal and style.
She came to the conclusion that she didn’t want another weave in and she just wanted to wear her hair. She saw me twisting mine and looked at me…… i looked at her back…… and she looked at me some more and proceeded to say …… “I want my hair like that”
-______- ……. yea i saw that coming.
She still had permed ends so i did my best to blend that end with the rest of it. I did cut some of the permed ends off but not all. She wore the twists for WEEKS but she did moisturize and seal her hair really well during that time but she hated wash day.
Well i left in August i believe so she had me from June – August to help her care for her hair. Before i left, i showed her what to do and gave her the reigns. She still applied JBCO nightly and as far as i know, kept her wash days up.. lol.
Well the proof is in the pudding because she sent me a picture of her edges because 5 MONTHS LATER this is what she texts me:
“Damn I’m Good!”
LOL! But no all jokes aside, i was kind of afraid she wouldn’t keep it up because i know she doesn’t like to do her hair. Well im proud of her and as much as she was like “Oh im not going natural” ….guess what… She had the remainder of her permed ends cut off and now she is completely and 100% percent natural.
Photo Credit: 
Strawberricurls 